The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Thursday, November 29, 1973 - 11:20 AM

I feel I'm really free from Lyndy now, and things are looking up. I think I needed some sort of final confrontation to break the spell and set me free.

Yesterday afternoon I went out and bought some Christmas cards, played some pinball, and came home to cook some dinner.

At 9, I went up to campus to see a show about Timothy Leary. There were quite a lot of people there despite the $2 entrance cost. There was a band called Ascension, mostly girls, and they played for an hour or so.

I saw Gabrielle, the cute girl I'd seen at Pierre's. I walked up to her and said, "Hi Gabrielle."

She looked surprised, asked, "Who are you? Where do I know you from?"

I said, "You don't. But I saw you at Pierre's the other night, and overheard your name."

She thought that was funny. And I said, "I wanted to ask you to dance, but I didn't get a chance."

She said, "Well, I was very drunk that night. I puked all night."

Anyway, she was moderately friendly, and smiled at me when I saw her later.

Also said hi to Diane, and to Eileen. Didn't see anyone else of interest except a blonde who was with someone else.

Ken Kesey gave a good rap after the band, talked about consciousness change, the approaching comet, a time "when the clutch is in and gears can be shifted," and about getting Tim Leary out of jail.

They had a filmed interview with Timothy Leary at Folsom, and he was very alert, nimble, and optimistic, not at all burned out.

After the movie, the band was going to play awhile, but most people were leaving, myself included.

I rode down to Pierre's. There I saw Cyrina, standing by herself, so said hi to her, told her who I was, and we had a real friendly talk. At one point she suggested we sit outside on the steps and talk, so we did.

She said, "What an absurd place Pierre's is, where lonely people come to get involved with other lonely people. But they can't really do it and get on an endless cycle, afraid to really love."

I agreed with what she said, told her my own feelings about it, told her about some of my loves and cycles.

She was feeling blue, was a very emotional person, was losing hope in ever finding anyone, had "fucked herself out." We shared a lot in a few minutes, found something in common between us.

After awhile she said she wanted to get a ride home. I offered to take her by motorcycle, and she accepted my offer, but then she ran into another friend she wanted to talk to.

In the meantime, I said hi to Krista, who seemed quite warm towards me. We didn't have much to say, however. And after she headed back to her table, I felt like I should've said something about her recent experience of being raped, as I find I feel a sense of being ashamed of being a man after what some men did to her.

Also, I saw a cute girl with dark hair, who also gave me an interested look, but before I could talk to her, she'd disappeared. I thought she'd left, and didn't see anyone else of interest, so went back to tell Cyrina I was going to split.

She asked if I'd still give her a ride home, I said sure, so we left. But I saw the cute girl again, so decided to come back again, after dropping Cyrina off.

But Cyrina invited me in, assuring me it wasn't "a rush," and we went into her place, listened to music and talked for quite awhile more, mostly about the man - woman thing, our involvements and lessons, and our emotional dimensions, and our astrology.

Her moon is also in Pisces, and I speculated that this gives an emphasis to the emotional dimension. She's a Taurus (April 28) is 27. I'd showed her my ID earlier to prove I was 36, as she hadn't believed it.

She told me she had just ended a relationship with another woman, also was seeing a man, but was "turned on" by the man's best friend, and was afraid they'd "burn each other out," though didn't feel the guy was really "attractive."

We talked about attractiveness, its importance, sex, how it's an integral part of a good relationship, makes it a really high thing, yet is fundamentally disappointing when taken just by itself.

We talked about human relationships as the most important thing we knew. I said it. She agreed.

I mentioned Penny, whom she liked, and at one point I leveled with her about how at first Penny hadn't liked her, but liked her a lot after getting to know her.

She told me she had been a "junkie," but had overcome it.

Also, in the spirit of feedback, she told me she'd seen me first as a "hustler."

I conceded that I had to accept it as a partial truth, in spite of my own dislike for the "hustlers" I see. And I talked of projection, and how we need to accept in ourselves those parts we project onto others and then dislike.

Finally I said goodnight, told her I'd really enjoyed getting to know her, liked her, affirmed her as a good person. She asked me to please come and see her sometimes.

I told her I would. I told her to "keep the faith" in love, and said goodnight. The sexual aspect of our relationship was kept well to the background.

Rode back to Pierre's. It was about 15 minutes before closing time. I spotted the cute dark-haired girl. She gave me a long intense look. I returned it and smiled. When I got a chance, I went up to her, asked her name, told her I'd wanted to meet her.

She was very open and friendly to me, was glad she'd met me. We talked awhile. Her name is Charmaine. She's English, came from Miami a week ago, is living in Oakland. We exchanged addresses. She didn't have a phone. She's not doing anything during the daytime.

I suggested we might go on a motorcycle ride if the weather's nice. She loves bikes, had a Triumph 650 once.

We were interrupted a couple of times by black dudes who asked her to dance. She accepted, but told me to wait for her. One came over, said he'd wait for her over there, so evidently she was going home with him.

I asked anyway whether she had a ride home. She said yes, but we agreed to get together soon.

I dug her and felt good vibes from her. We'll see.

Woke up around 4 or 5 this morning. Couldn't get back to sleep. Was thinking about all the things that had happened since the final scene with Lyndy.

Thought of writing her a friendly letter, saying a friendly goodbye, telling her that I felt it was finally over, apologizing for being "obnoxious" and a bother to her, but explaining that I needed to somehow resolve things, etc.

But I don't know if I'll get a chance.

4:25 PM

Today has been an incredibly grace-full day. I've been feeling high and happy for the first time in months. Things have been happening synchronistically and nicely all day long. Let me review.

After having breakfast, I walked up to the Med. Charmaine wasn't there. But Krista was, sitting alone. I went over and sat with her. Told her how good I was feeling. I had told her before of my being hung-up on Lyndy. And I told her it had been resolved, and I felt free of it and out of my blues.

I also told her how I felt about what had happened to her recently, being raped. Said I felt almost ashamed to be a man because of what men had done to her.

She talked a bit about her experience, but not in detail. I felt glad I'd brought it up, felt good at clearing the air between us regarding that. We related well. I walked her up the street to where she was going shopping and said goodbye.

Walked up to campus. There Lynn, of Mills College, came up to me, said, "Hi."

I walked her across campus where she'd come with a friend to study. We talked briefly about ourselves.

Then I walked on up to where some musicians were playing. They were mellow and good, two girls and a guy playing guitars, one a pretty redhead, and the other a small cute girl with a top hat.

There I saw Wendy sitting by herself listening. I sat with her for an hour or so, both of us digging the scene and feeling good with each other, and digging the music and the mellow performers.

I felt really good vibes with the girls, the redhead in particular, and made a lot of eye-contact with them. Finally Wendy had to go, so we left. I put a dollar into their guitar case, and walked away with Wendy.

Talked with Wendy a little, told her I hoped we could have that talk sometime. Told her briefly that I'd had an intense love affair this summer that I'd just gotten over yesterday.

She said that her affair with Scott had gone badly, and she still hadn't gotten over it.

She gave me her phone number, I said I'd call her sometime, and we'd get together and talk. It was a nice scene. I felt good with her.

Came back out, watched the singers finish. Talked to them briefly. Told them I liked their sound.

They just came out from Virginia about a week ago, would be around awhile. Felt really good vibes from them.

Said goodbye. Walked on down Telegraph.

Ran into Cyrina coming the other way. She was glad to see me, asked what I was doing.

I agreed to walk up with her to campus to get something to eat. Told her how good I felt.

She did too, had decided to cut loose from two of her three involvements.

She said she felt very good about last night, even though we hadn't "done anything." I said I did too.

She got some Chinese food, and we went over and sat behind Lyndy's band, who'd started playing. I told her who they were, and more about the situation with Lyndy.

Saw Lynn again, and she said hi. Saw the other singers walking past and waved to them. They gave me a friendly wave.

Cyrina and I then walked down to the Med. As we were in line, and she was telling me about her resolution with her lovers, she mentioned that they were foreign, and I flashed on Curt and David (Sheldon's friends, staying at our house), and asked her where her lover was from.

She said, "South Africa."

And I said, "I know him. His name is David. He's living at my house."

This blew her mind.

Then a friend of hers spotted her, and we all sat down together, and they got into a long women's rap about their love lives, their sex lives, their mutual friends, etc.

Her name was Pamela, and she was attractive. She was telling about her split-up with her old man, Jeremy, who'd been making it with her friend Deborah on the side while she was at work.

Meanwhile, I saw Charmaine at another table, we waved and smiled, and I went over to say hi. She was sitting with the black guy from last night, but they didn't seem to be too much into each other, and she was very warm towards me.

I told her, "I looked for you earlier."

She said, "I just got here."

I asked, "Are you with someone?"

She said, "Sort of. And I'm waiting for someone else. But I might be free in a little while."

I said, "I'd like to walk you over to show you where I live."

Anyway, the vibes were very good.

I came back and sat with Cyrina and her friend, listening to their chat. Finally Cyrina had to go, was meeting someone for lunch at 4:15.

I walked her out. We talked more about the thing with David and Curt. She's dropping Curt for David, and they're spending the weekend together, going away somewhere.

She told me earlier that I was really easy and nice to be with, and gave me really good vibes, and we said a warm goodbye at the corner, as good friends.

And she said, "Please, come and see me sometimes."

I said I would, and she said she'd come visit me too, now that she knows where I live.

I went back to the Med. Charmaine was still there. She was sitting with a guy named Sean, waiting for a guy named Richard, who was at Pierre's last night. Don't know if it was the Richard that Penny knew or not.

Anyway, she was very friendly, said I was one of the nicest people she'd ever met.

I said, "I'm glad. But you hardly know me. But I liked you right from the start."

Soon I said, "Well, I guess I'm going to head on home."

She said she'd probably be there until about 6 or 7, so I said I might see her later, but would be in touch anyway.

I kissed her goodbye, and left, feeling very high, and came home.

Have been writing this ever since. It's now 5:30. Maybe I'll go back and look for Charmaine again.

6:15 PM

Went back to the Med. Charmaine was standing outside with a few guys, Sean and others. I asked if her friend had come.

She said no, but he'd probably be there later. It didn't seem like I'd be able to see her, so I split, telling her I'd see her sometime. I may go over once more, but we'll see.

Then I had a bowl of soup at John's Soup Kitchen, and played some pinball before coming home.

It's started raining, so it looks like I'm grounded for tonight.

previous - next - - index - - - - I Ching

Start at the beginning?

Read the Preface?

If you'd like, you can leave me a comment in
my Guestbook.
Thanks.

If you recognize me or anyone else in this saga, I'd love to hear from you.

If you think this journal is a good read,
please CLIX me,
so others can find out about it too.

previous

next

index

Preface

Beginning

Cast

Latest Entries:
Waxing and Waning
Sneaking Out
Losing Marcy
Very High and Very Low
Anticipation

Go back to:
June 1972
July 1972
Aug 1972
Sept 1972
Oct 1972
Nov 1972
Dec 1972
Jan 1973
Feb 1973
Mar 1973
Apr 1973
May 1973
June 1973
July 1973
Aug 1973
Sept 1973
Oct 1973
Nov 1973
Dec 1973
Jan 1974
Feb 1974
Mar 1974
Apr 1974
May 1974

Began Jungian Analysis here, and ended it here

For more complete
I Ching commentary.