The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Saturday, December 22, 1973 - 10:30 AM

Last night I watched TV with some people in the house, then went out dancing with Dennis and Arlene at Hard Times.

We had a pretty good time. I had some good raps with Dennis and Arlene about my situation with Charmaine. He told me that she'd talked to him the other night (as well as Pat), asking what to do about me. I still don't know why she couldn't have talked to me instead.

Anyway, my frame of mind was pretty good. I was on the lookout for a new potential girl friend, but saw no one who interested me. Said hi to Vicki from Concord, Laurie, and Karen, Jan's friend.

We came home after closing, and watched the end of Midnight Special on TV.

Today's clearing up. Joe invited me and everyone to a party at his house this afternoon.

David got a phone call at 7:30 this morning, which woke me up, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep, so got up and took a bath. So I'm going to be very tired tonight, in all probability.

3 PM

Spent this mid-day walking around Telegraph Avenue with Cici. I found a $20 bill at the bakery, couldn't find out whose it was, so decided to give most of it away in presents or cash. Gave Cici $2 of it, gave street musicians about $2, including a dollar to Foxtail Snow, who we saw again, without Terri, who was working. Bought Penny an eagle quarter pendant for $7 and a hash oil bottle for $1.50. Bought a yin-yang pendant for $3, but don't know whether I'll keep it or give it away. Bought a candle for Leori for $1.

It presented me with something of a conflict though. It's hard for me to give money away. Part of me wants to hold onto it tightly. But I was able to live out my more generous self.

Saw Lyndy's band on a corner. Looked for her but couldn't find her. Wanted to smooth things over with her.

7:30 PM

Wrote a Christmas card to Lyndy, which I took down and left in their bus, which was parked down Telegraph. I enclosed a copy of that good picture of her which I took in front of Jupiter last summer at Westhampton Beach.

I wrote:

Dear Lyndy,
I just want to tell you that after our last meeting I got over being hung-up on you. The next day I was out of the blues and high again, and the next night I fell in love, and things have been going well ever since. I want to thank you for leveling with me. I needed to know where things stood with us. I'm sorry if it was unpleasant. I hope there are no hard feelings.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Have a good life. Your friend,
Ralph

Those may not be the exact words, but as close as I can remember. I hope she can be open to it, though I guess it doesn't really matter.

Again, I felt I did all I could, loved her my best, have no regrets, except losing her.

I gave David a ride to Joe's party on my motorcycle. As we passed the bus, I pointed it out, told him, "There lies the story of another of my heartbreaks," and related to him the story of Lyndy and our relationship. He was a good listener, adding relevant stories of his own where appropriate.

The party took me into a different world. Joe lives with a bunch of straight people who work for Kaiser Hospital. The party was an elegant, suburban, middle class party in an appropriately suburban setting. People were dressed up, and the place was elegantly affluent in its decor.

It was interesting to be in that world again, though I felt at times like an alien. We all got quite stoned, and drunk on wine or punch, and had an elegant buffet feast, a potluck dinner. Very good.

Andy and Arlene came later. A couple of piano players played for the people separately. Both were good. One played the "rock 'n roll star, rich hippie" role. The other was just himself, but more secure.

David and I rode home about 7, as he had to get a phone call, and we may go to another party tonight with friends of Frog.

Sunday, December 23, 1973 - 10:30 AM

I crashed out and got some shut eye 'til about 8:30, when David woke me. And after some coffee, we rode off to the other party, at two girls' house (Nancy and Carol). We stopped at a liquor store for a bottle of Tequila. I bought it, as I'd found that money earlier.

When we got there, only a few other were there, including Charmaine, who'd come over with Frog and Tom, I think.

I took a walk with Carol to get some ice.

After awhile, a whole bunch of people started coming, and I met a number of attractive girls.

I resolved to steer pretty clear of Charmaine for the evening. Didn't want her to feel any pressure or tension from me. My head was in a pretty good place about it for most of the time. We did talk a few times when we happened to be near.

I asked her how her birthday evening had been, and she said it was good.

Another time, when she was alone on a couch, I talked to her again, about the party at Joe's. Compared it to that dressed-up party we went to in Santa Cruz. She wasn't unfriendly, but didn't give me any encouragement.

For the most part I got into meeting other girls and dancing. In addition to Nancy and Carol, I met a cute blonde girl with dimples named Jan, also Frog's friend, Kathy, as well as Madonna, who was the girl I'd seen at Hard Times last night, her redheaded friend, Jana, and her sister Gail. Also a cute girl named Debbie.

Later, after dancing with Madonna, I told her that she was the prettiest girl at Hard Times last night.

She gave me a skeptical look. She's from Albany, and her friend Debbie's from El Cerrito.

Debbie had just dropped out of school and didn't know what to do. I didn't get much response from her, however, and she seemed pretty straight.

There was also a Linda, a Barbara, and others.

However, the girl I dug most was named Vickey. She was blonde, cute, reminded me of that old photo of my mother as a teenager. She lives in Cotati, was with three other friends, Gina, Kay, and another whose name I didn't catch. It was her birthday. She was 19.

I danced with her a few times. She was very responsive, smiled at me a lot. I liked her a lot, but she got an asthma attack, could hardly breathe, and she and her friends, and a guy named Jefferson, left to go find some medicine.

I asked for her number before she left, but she assured me she'd be back, so didn't give it to me. And they didn't know anybody at the house, so I have no way of finding her.

I'm thinking of taking a trip in my housetruck up to Cotati after Christmas to look for her, and check out the area.

Later, Jefferson came back, had hitchhiked back from Pinole, hadn't gotten any numbers or addresses.

After they'd left, I got to talking with Amy awhile. She'd been giving me a strong eye. We'd danced, close and sexy, and then talked. I told her some about my situation with Charmaine.

She told me some about her relationships. She lives in Oakland, is 19, but really wasn't my type, so I didn't follow up.

Arlene and Andy came too.

Later in the evening, Charmaine, who was pretty wrecked, was coming on very strong to David, asked him to go home with her, was very physical with him in the kitchen. They were both very drunk.

Also, she came on pretty strong to Frank, Arlene's friend, Tom, and another guy in a blue shirt, with whom she was making out on the dance floor.

It still got to me on some level, and I felt small pangs of jealousy, or something, even though, on a rational level, I've pretty much gotten over her. She'd worn a loose long dress of Jeannie's, which didn't do much for her, but still had all the men she wanted, or at least plenty.

I finally was ready to leave around 2. David and Charmaine were on the front porch. I asked if he were going to need a ride home.

He said he didn't think so.

I asked Charmaine if they were spending the night together.

She said yes.

I said, "Well, far out. Have a good time," or something like that.

Then I gave Charmaine a hug, said, "Are we still friends?"

She said, "Sure," was fairly friendly.

I think I'm pretty much over being in love with her. Still hope we can be lovers from time to time as she said we would. I think there's still more I can learn from her, and she from me. I think we could have a nice arrangement.

Then I left, and gave Andy a ride home.

Didn't sleep very well. Mike woke me before dawn carrying stuff down to the car, and leaving for home. I came out to the hall to say goodbye. Then I couldn't get back to sleep.

I was thinking alternately of Charmaine and Vickey. With Charmaine, I didn't care about not being with her, was just envisioning the kind of friendship we might have if she'll open up to me a bit more.

And about Vickey, I'm hoping to find her in Cotati, and was envisioning the possibilities with her.

Finally got up around 9:30, took a bath. Have to go out and buy breakfast stuff.

2:40 PM

Had breakfast. Walked to the Med about noon, but saw no one I knew, so came home and went to bed again, but couldn't sleep.

Charmaine called me around 1:30. She was friendly, but wanted something. She asked if she could borrow $5.

I said "Sure." But part of me felt like I was being used, that the only time she's called me was to ask a favor. But I'll go along, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

We talked pleasantly, about the party. She got very nearly wiped out, as did David. She felt good about how we related. I told her I thought we could be friends again, and she agreed.

It turned out she didn't have a ride over to Wumper's, so I offered to take her on my motorcycle, but that it was just a ride, no strings.

She accepted.

I told her about Vickey, that I might go to Cotati looking for her.

She said she'd been thinking of a trip to Santa Cruz (with me in the housetruck, I think).

So we agreed to meet at 3:20 at her house to head for Wumper's.

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