The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Friday, May 11, 1973 - 9:25 AM

Called Meredith around 7:30 PM, but she wasn't home. Elaine said she was in San Francisco, at something that was supposed to be over at 7:30.

So I called again at 8:45, and she was home. I asked what she was doing. She said something about looking for someone to get an album, and going to bed early, as she'd only gotten four hours sleep last night, after dancing late.

I asked if she could come over, that I really wanted to talk to her, and was feeling down.

She asked, "About last night?"

I said, "Not exactly, but about our relationship in general." So the call got dragged out into an explanation of my feeling "hung-up" on her, needing to clarify our situation.

In the process, I invited her to spend the night here, but she declined "for a number of reasons," but said she'd be over in awhile, after the other errand.

But she called back about 11. I told her that since it was so late we could put it off if she wanted.

She did. I asked if we could meet tomorrow.

She said she was probably going to "go away" tomorrow for a day or two to get by herself, to deal with all her problems.

I asked if I could go.

She said no, she needed to be alone.

In the course of the conversation, I told her I'd fallen in love with her, felt we had a basic affinity, but had felt her gradually slipping away.

She said she hadn't felt that strongly about me, and wasn't into getting involved in a close relationship, that she'd rather have a number of "lovers," and that the thing with Hugo had been getting "too heavy" as well.

I told her I could dig it (but I can't really understand), but didn't know what kind of relationship was possible.

I told her she excluded me from all her plans, like Vancouver.

She said she hadn't considered going to Vancouver with me, but had considered going to L.A. with me, though hadn't said anything.

She said she'd talked a bit with Leslie about me (between calls) and she had said she'd known some of the girls I'd gotten hung-up on before, and that this was something I do.

I'm not sure what the point was, other than to reduce my being in love with her to some sort of infatuation.

I explained briefly about the thing with Cher, and said I didn't feel it was comparable.

Anyway, she agreed to call me when she gets back, and we'll talk. I hoped I'd be in "a better place" by then.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, so decided to go over to Hard Times, as the Rockets were playing. There I found Joetta and Sunny. Joetta seemed glad to see me, and we danced quite a bit.

Also saw the girl in the T-shirt store at the corner of Telegraph near our house, whom I've been waving to, and who's been giving me friendly looks, though she evidently has a steady boy friend, who was with her. Her name is Patti.

The other T-shirt store girl was there too, Rebecca, and another friend of theirs, whom I found very attractive, named Deertree. But she was pretty wiped-out drunk, and didn't seem too aware of me, though we danced a few times.

So I had a good time, but didn't come up with any real possibilities, though did meet a few new girls.

Also, I forgot to mention that I talked to the Norwegian girl who I'd seen on my Easter acid trip. Her name is Nina, she's 18, married, though down on marriage, raises Afghan hounds, will probably go back home in June, though is considering staying by herself. She seems to like me pretty well, but couldn't understand me all that well, i.e., what I'd been into; ministry, theology, etc.

10:30 AM

My mood today is better. I feel full of energy for some reason, but it is directed towards finding a girlfriend, almost obsessively. That's all I have on my mind.

With regard to Meredith, I feel some relief, that things are out in the open, even if the relationship is spoiled. But it didn't seem to be going anywhere anyway, so nothing is really lost, except an illusion, perhaps.

Now I can be frankly honest with her, risk rejection, ask what I want of her. If she refuses, there's nothing lost anyway. But I shouldn't get any more unrealistic hopes about her.

Today I think I'll go up to campus before noon, then perhaps swimming in Strawberry Canyon this afternoon if I can get in. Maybe later I'll take a nap 'til about 10, then it's out dancing again.

4:30 PM

Spent most of today up on campus looking for a girl. Saw a couple whom I dug. One, a blonde, walked to an apartment complex on Durant. But I didn't really have any opportunities.

Saw Wendy, the friend of Andy's who was here the other day. She smiled a warm smile at me, which I returned a few times, then I sat down beside her, and we recognized each other after talking a bit. She's sort of cute, could be fun, but is not really all that attractive to me (though not unattractive either), and I could tell she likes me okay.

After being on campus for a couple of hours, I walked down Telegraph. Also saw Rebecca from last night at the T-shirt store, and Patti, Share, and Arlene a couple of times, as well as Jackie, Sue, and Deni.

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