The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Sunday, May 20, 1973 - 10:35 AM

Didn't do much yesterday but try to rest and recuperate for the evening. Took one walk up Telegraph. Visited Patti at work. We have a nice friendly relationship going, but it's platonic.

Played some chess with Mike. At about 4 PM, I went to bed for a nap. Got up again around 6.

Wendy was here playing music with Andy and Dennis. She was friendly to me, touching me at every opportunity, which I dig. She's another touching person like Pam, and I feel that we both feel something between us, a mutual attraction.

But I find it stifled by the fact that she's "Andy's friend," and that I can't make overt advances without a strong encouragement from her. But she does give pretty strong encouragement. Yet with her working all day every day, there's not much time for a relationship anyway. So this will have to just ride until an opportunity presents itself.

Watched some TV. There was a documentary on Stalin, which was very heavy. His shadow side evidently got way out of control.

Finally had a cup of coffee and went to Hard Times about 10. I was feeling very tired and not into it at all. Saw Arlene with a boyfriend, but for a long time no one else I knew.

Saw René, but she was very cool to me. I didn't understand why. At one point I asked her, "Why so cool to me tonight?"

She didn't answer. I added, "Am I bothering you?"

She shook her head, yes.

I said, "Sorry," and left her alone. I don't know what happened with her.

I didn't dance at all 'til after midnight. Didn't care for the music, and didn't see any girls that I liked enough.

Finally I did dance, with a girl that turned out to be Hella, from the other night. She remembered me, and seemed happy that I asked her to dance. She and her friend Fifi were also there last Saturday and were the two girls, one of whom grabbed me on the way out (Fifi, I think), but I hadn't recognized them. Anyway, I liked Hella okay. She reminds me a lot of Liz. But they soon left together with no hint of an invitation.

Finally at 1:30, as the band played their last number, I gave up on the possibility that Pam might still show up, so I left.

Also, earlier, a girl named Chris had thought I worked there, asked why I wouldn't let her and her friends in.

When I insisted that I didn't work there, she called me a liar, even after asking the boss, who told her I didn't. She really got nasty, all over a mistake of her own. A weird scene.

So I came home after a lousy evening, all in all, my first that I feel that way about at Hard Times, and went to bed.

Today is overcast again. I'm feeling medium down again, with no prospects (at least with any solid potential) and not much hope.

8 PM

Today I didn't do a great deal. It was overcast until mid-afternoon. After a walk as far as the Med, I came home. Saw Lorraine there with a couple of her men friends, but we didn't say hi.

Decided it would be a good afternoon for getting stoned, and into my old journal again, reviewing the time in Berkeley. So I did, after talking to Penny on the phone for a long time.

She is feeling more miserable than I, going through a period of despair. She's feeling sort of panicked about her life. I identified with a lot of her feelings, and consoled her as best I could.

In the journal, I saw that I had some interesting dreams, and threw some interesting hexagrams last year.

Later I went out for a walk and stopped to visit Penny and Cici. While there, Penny talked more about her feelings of despair.

I also got worried about our financial situation and the current stock market slump. The latest report from my broker was there, and showed that we have lost a fair amount of money. I am worried that the cash reserves are so low, and fear a depression, as more and more chaotic influences hit the economy.

We walked up the street, got some ice cream, and went back again. Then I split, as Penny and Cici headed for Park & Shop.

Came home, had dinner, and juggled awhile.

8:30 PM

I want to throw a hexagram about my financial situation. "What should I do about my financial situation?"

10, 9-4, 61: Trigrams: Ch'ien / The Creative over Tui / The Joyous.

10 - Lü / Treading [Conduct] changing to 61 - Chung Fu / Inner Truth.

"The Judgment. Treading upon the tail of the tiger. It does not bite the man. Success."

"Nine in the fourth place means: He treads on the tail of the tiger. Caution and circumspection lead ultimately to good fortune."

This doesn't give a clear answer, but leans toward caution. Therefore I feel that I should call for a larger reserve in our account, a selling off of vulnerable issues, then, perhaps, I should take charge of my own account.

Monday, May 21, 1973 - 9:40 AM

Went to bed early last night, but didn't sleep all that well. Woke early in the morning worrying about my financial situation and resolved to call my broker to have them build my cash reserves. At 6:30 AM, I called, but Anderson was at a meeting so I called again (he was supposed to call me back, but didn't) just before 9.

He agreed that the situation was highly uncertain, and that, given my situation, perhaps some liquidation was in order, even though we'd already been "bagged." So he's going to sell most of the losers and build the cash reserve.

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Waxing and Waning
Sneaking Out
Losing Marcy
Very High and Very Low
Anticipation

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