The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Tuesday, November 27, 1973 - 9:15 AM

Yesterday afternoon I looked at my gas tank on the truck and discovered it has a small leak. I was trying to figure out how to hook up another gas tank for greater capacity and range. Now I may have to replace the one I have.

Also, I walked up to the Med, and to campus, but saw nothing of interest. Played some pinball.

Had dinner, watched TV, and around 11, I went out to Pierre's. Not much happening for awhile. I sat on a corner stool watching the scene.

One girl attracted me somewhat, but she was with some guy, obviously her boyfriend. But she kept smiling at me, so at one point I asked her to dance, and we did. She asked my name.

Hers is Robin ("sometimes," she said).

Later, Judith came in. She came over, and we chatted a bit, not about much, my truck, etc. She never did go to Sacramento. There was a distance between us. Then she went over to talk to some friends (Leslie, Peter, Michael).

After awhile, Linda came over and talked to me, telling me all about her situation with her husband, who treated her badly until she left him in Chicago with her two kids, and came out here. She compared her situation to Vicky's, who is now living at her house.

Vicky was also there, with Rindy, and we said hi. She was friendly to me.

After awhile, I saw Judith talking to a black guy across the room when she came out of the Ladies' room. I met her, and asked if she'd like to come home with me.

She said she "couldn't tonight," presumably had already made plans with someone else.

I said okay, but felt depressed about it. Felt sort of let down by her, that she never called me, and is interested in too many other men. I've indicated that I'm interested in her, but she hasn't responded very well. If she wants anything further with me, she'll have to show some interest.

Finally, mostly out of feeling down and wanting some company, I asked Linda if she'd like to spend the night with me.

She said, "Sure, but at my house."

So when they were closing in a little while, we split together on my motorcycle. Vicky got home a little later by herself.

Soon we went to bed, and made love. It was fine sexually, and I was into it, but afterwards I had second thoughts about doing it, knowing that I wasn't all that attracted to her. It was strictly for sex, and as such was okay.

Afterwards, we lay together, and she talked for a long time. Finally, we turned off the music, blew out the candle, and went to sleep, although I didn't get much.

In the morning, a guy (Johnny) called, wanted her to babysit with his daughter, which she'd agreed to do. So we got up, he arrived, and I split and came home.

Today is cold and overcast. I'm feeling medium down. Guess I'll get to work on the gas-tank situation before long.

3 PM

I decided instead to go back to bed, as it was a grey day, good for sleeping.

Penny came over around 12:30, and we talked awhile, about her men, and my girls, then she left for the Med.

After awhile, I got up, had breakfast, and walked up to the Med. She was no longer there. Said hi to Susie, then walked on up the street and ran into Penny.

Then I walked up to the Post Office to get some stamps. Saw Steve, Judith's friend, at the coffee place across the street. We waved hi, but I didn't go in.

At the corner of Durant and Telegraph, I saw Lyndy's band playing, but she wasn't there, so I walked home, got my motorcycle and rode to Jessica's house (where they're staying), rang the bell, but no one answered, so after looking around Elmwood, I rode back up College to Bancroft, around to Dana and up Durant.

There was Lyndy, dancing with a bunch of kids to the music of the band. I parked right at the corner, and watched her for about ten minutes, but she never looked up to see me.

Then the band quit playing, packed up their stuff and split up. Lyndy disappeared momentarily. I rode around the block, then saw her again, walking by herself up Telegraph. I rode up beside her, but she never looked up. At the corner, I called her name, and she finally saw me as she was crossing the street.

I said "Hi."

She said "Hi," gave a faint smile, but kept on walking, onto campus.

I rode down Bancroft, parked my motorcycle the first place I could, and circled back up to Sproul Plaza, but she had disappeared.

Then I rode around to the Northside, and again there was no sign of her. Came home again, feeling blue.

As I watched her dancing with the kids, she seemed such a plain and simple girl, and I wondered why I was so hung-up on her, and why I expected that we'd be such good lovers (which we once were). Yet I'd still like to have her back if only she wanted me again.

Wednesday, November 28, 1973 - 11:20 AM

Later yesterday afternoon, I went over to Penny's to balance the check book and see how much cash we have.

Cici was home. A kid had thrown a rock at her, hitting her on the neck and breaking the skin, on the way home from school. She'd been upset, had called home from someone else's house. Penny's going to see the Principal with her today.

I couldn't find one of the bank statements, so couldn't balance the checkbook properly.

Came home for dinner, and spent the evening watching TV, playing chess with Mike and David, drinking some wine and smoking. Had a headache, didn't feel up to going out. Went to bed around midnight.

Slept 'til about 10. Today's sunny, but still chilly. Don't know what I'll do today.

The deadline is here for applying to Sonoma State for the Masters program for next year. I don't know whether to bother or not. I don't know if I'm really that interested.

The idea of writing a thesis turns me off, as well as the academic orientation of the whole scene. Yet it's something to do, and could round off my education in a positive way.

My inclination at this time, especially as I read over the application form is, "to Hell with it." It doesn't seem real as something to do.

2:20 PM

Just had a final encounter with Lyndy.

I saw her band playing up on campus. Also saw Andy and Wendy sitting and talking, and talked briefly with them.

So after awhile, I rode over to Jessica's house. Lyndy was home, and Jessica invited me in. Lyndy was sitting in a chair reading. She gave me no welcome, just sat there.

I asked, "Do you mind that I came over?"

She didn't reply. But after a pause, said something like, "What you been doin'?"

I talked briefly about working on my housetruck, then asked about her.

She said they're moving to a place at Russian River, but she may not go, may stay around here, take some classes.

All this conversation was very low energy. It was like a strain just to make conversation. I finally said something about us, that I couldn't understand why she treated me the way she did.

She froze up, got up, crossed the room, said she didn't want me to come see her again.

I told her she'd really hurt me by the way she treated me, and that I couldn't understand why she had to treat me that way.

She walked out the door, said, "See you later."

I walked out too, got on my motorcycle, and rode down the street to where she was.

She told me that I was obnoxious, that I bothered her, that she didn't like me.

I told her I didn't mean to be obnoxious, that I'd felt we were good friends, and had really been hurt by the way she'd treated me.

She said, "I don't want to talk about it," and kept walking.

Finally, I said, "Goodbye," and rode off.

It was a very frustrating situation, as she wouldn't talk, wouldn't hear me, was totally closed to me. I was really hurting when it was over, yet somehow relieved, that at last I knew it was finally over, finished, beyond hope.

There was some other stuff that was said as well. She said, "I wasn't talking about reality."

I said, "Well, it's real for me."

Anyway, it's over now, for good. I wish there were some hope of being close again, but know there isn't. I've now seen her cruel and bitchy side to balance her warm loving side.

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