The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Sunday, January 14, 1973 - 5:45 PM

Didn't sleep very well last night. No dreams. Got up about 10:30.

Watched the Super Bowl on TV this afternoon with Sheldon. At half-time I went for a walk. Saw Jackie, who invited me to a party on Friday night, after 9 PM. But she said the 20th, which is Saturday, so I'll have to clarify this.

Also visited Penny and Cici at By Hand, and afterwards visited Cici at home for awhile. Then went shopping for dinner, came home and ate it.

Here I am in wait mode again, waiting for Susan's call. Don't know how I'll handle it if she doesn't call.

Monday, January 15, 1973 - 11:15 AM

Susan didn't call last night. I called her a few times, but at first no one was home, then her roommate answered and said she wasn't back from Sacramento yet (around 10 PM), so I left a message that I'd called.

Mike got home about 11. His letter from Martha said she wasn't coming back, so we'll be getting another new housemate.

I was tired, so went to bed shortly after 11. Today I have things to do. Follow up on my job, get a birthday present for Cici, see Joan Baez on campus at noon, get in touch with Susan, if she's home yet.

9:30 PM

Went up to campus to see Joan Baez. She gave a moving talk that made me cry a bit. Then I went home to get my BMI petition, which I took up to turn in.

Rode Pegasus down to Shattuck to shop for a present for Cici, finally putting it off until tomorrow. Rode home in the rain, and spent the rest of the day at home.

Called the gal about the job, but she was home sick today.

Called Susan's house, but she still hadn't gotten back from Sacramento.

Wrote a letter to Betsy and Al. Watched Cat Stevens and Leon Russell on TV tonight.

Liza, my niece, called this evening, and will be coming to visit Wednesday evening for a few days. Don't know whether she'll be staying here or with Penny. Probably here, as Penny says she may want some privacy with Ken (her new boyfriend) this week.

I'm afraid her visit may interfere with my own potentially emerging love life, but that's the breaks, and there's nothing to do but flow with the situation as it emerges the best I can.

Tuesday, January 16, 1973 - 2:20 PM

Susan didn't get back last night. I sat in the kitchen rapping and listening to music 'til after 11. Was going to go to Pierre's to see if Irene was there, but it was raining. Then I smoked with Mike, and had a real good stoned rap on "the sacred," the church, etc., until about midnight.

Didn't sleep real well last night. Flashed on some dream fragments later this morning, but can't put them together at all.

Today the sun has broken through, and it's a pretty nice day. Rode to the Co-op to put up a room notice. Then to Shattuck Avenue to get Cici's present (a diary).

Then I came across Karen, hitchhiking, so gave her a ride to the Co-op. She talked about Chicago, said Steve and Cindy didn't seem to be doing too great, Leon said hi, and that Brad J is in San Francisco, so I'll have to get his address.

Wednesday, January 17, 1973 - 9:30 AM

Some dream fragments from last night: An earlier part had to do with a commuting highway system connecting to a number of communities. It referenced some woman who was to stay on for 10 miles before getting off. However, despite it being a modern system, the roads themselves were dirt roads.

This changed to some sort of construction project I was involved with. I have no idea what it was, but people were testing out parts of this project. Part of this involved rolling this heavy iron ball about 4" in diameter down grooves in the floor.

Another part of this project involved wearing costumes. An old lady told me to put on this teddy-bear head and a long dress. She was hurrying me to get changed, said there was a dress and some underpants over there. I was confused about the whole situation, was reluctant to put on the dress, so put on only the bear head and kept on my own clothes. Nothing further was said, and I joined a group sitting in a semicircle. Cici sat behind me.

The scene then changed to a military environment. There were two soldiers sitting in the row in front of me. They each had a thick book. I had a book too, and wondered whether theirs were Jung books too. The guy next to me picked one up and was looking at it. Then the soldier started an explanation that had to do with getting from one place to another, and he illustrated with a leather map on which lines had been cut. He traced a course across the map.

Then the scene became one of an automated modernistic military state, in which I and this other guy were aliens. The scene was modernistic shapes like sculpture, and there were one-man war machines chugging around all over. As aliens we were sensed by the mechanisms and hunted down. We ran and separated. I finally climbed a bamboo-like structure overlooking a headquarters office to avoid the dogs and automated bombs that were tracking us. There were girls inside that I was looking down upon, and I was soon seen and apprehended, and put in the brig.

But the brig was just a separate open area where we seemed to have relative freedom. There I noticed a sort of savage or native girl hanging in some bushes. I went over to her, and we soon became sexually involved. It became very erotic and I was soon on the verge of a wet dream, at which point I woke up, prior to reaching orgasm.

10:10 AM

Yesterday afternoon, after getting home, I read and meditated awhile, then went shopping, prior to going to dinner at Penny's. Gave Cici her birthday present, and stayed 'til about 9.

I had called Susan late in the afternoon, but she still hadn't gotten back.

About 10:30 I went down to Pierre's, mostly with Irene on my mind. She was there, and was quite friendly to me. I went up and talked to her on arriving.

I sat at a table, and was joined by a German girl named Molly, and her brother, Oly, also a guy named Douglas (from Chicago), and a pretty girl named Vera.

Later Sandy, from the other night, came in, and gave me a lot of unwanted attention. Also I saw and said hi to Lorraine.

Before splitting after midnight, I asked Irene if I could call her, and she said sure, and went to write her number on a piece of paper for me. I told her I might be tied up for a few days, as my niece was coming to town to visit. She said she had classes the next couple of days anyway.

I was thinking about her all night, seeing her eyes, hearing her voice, falling in love.

Thursday, January 18, 1973 - 9:50 AM

Dreams: Some dream fragments about my father. In one, my father and I are near his car, either just having gotten out or about to get in. The door is open, but for some reason we're about 20 feet away. My father is paralyzed, as he was in later life. There is, for some reason, a fair amount of valuable property in the car.

A man goes to the car and grabs an IBM electric typewriter, and runs away with it. I start after him, but don't want to leave the rest of the things unguarded, or my father alone, so I don't follow very far, and the man gets away. Also I'm yelling, "Help, Police!"

In another segment, it's a historical dream. In the dream, my father's ship was sunk in the war, and I'm seeing it happen, like in a movie. I don't recall it being damaged, but I saw it steaming past, crippled, with my father on deck at the wheel, before it's nose went under and it sank, and the survivors were being picked up by another ship.

There were other fragments as well which I've forgotten.

10:15 AM

Yesterday I walked up to campus, had another garage key made, and hung around the house, waiting for Liza to call. It rained off and on.

Penny got a call from Steve, telling her she was invited to go with him on the Levitt's yacht, on a Caribbean cruise, starting January 25th, so she's all excited about that, naturally.

Liza (my niece) called, and I met her at the Greyhound station in Oakland at 7:10 PM. Rapped with a couple of girls from Chicago while waiting for her.

We went to the Mexican restaurant for some dinner for her, then to Penny's, where we rapped until almost 11.

Then we came back here, listened to The Ship, which she dug, and rapped some more. Mike came in, and we smoked some joints. Went to bed around midnight.

My mood yesterday was somewhat uptight, feeling a number of things hanging over me, or "waiting" for a number of things to develop in their own time. The gal whom I'm to see about the job was still sick. Susan still hadn't called. And I was waiting for Liza's call. And I was unsure about what to do about Irene.

I finally called up Irene, and we talked on the phone for a little while. She's a Leo (July 1949), goes to the Art Institute in San Francisco. Her old man left for Maryland not too long ago. I told her a fair amount about myself as well, and that I dug her. Told her I'd be in touch in a few days.

12:30 PM

Another rainy day today. Just got back from my session with Dr. Yandell.

I was a little bit late, and almost didn't make it at all. Penny came over about 10:30 to take the van, but she flooded it so it wouldn't start, so she came inside.

I couldn't start it either, so we pushed it, and were able to get it going. In the meantime, I was quite frustrated and angry, however.

At the session, we discussed mostly my "ape dream," which he agreed seemed to indicate my "ape" had been freed, but didn't give too much in the way of hints at what might be forthcoming. We also got to the other dreams, captured as an alien, "natural man" imprisoned, but in a prison that wasn't so bad.

We also discussed for quite awhile my idea of going back to work, and he reflected my ambivalence, indicating it might be a "regression" for me, even though it would give certain satisfactions.

11:15 PM

I'm sort of bummed out right now, after a high afternoon with Susan. Let me review: She called around midday, said she had decided to move back to Sacramento after all, and asked if I knew anyone with a truck, who could help her move, and I volunteered to use our van and help her. We also talked about getting together this evening, and going dancing.

Later, I called her back and asked if I could come visit her in the afternoon, and she said, "Sure. Let's go for a motorcycle ride."

So I rode over, and we rode up the hill, where we smoked a joint, and talked, and kissed awhile. We got very close, and I asked if she'd spend the night with me, and she said she'd see how she felt by then.

We talked about her old man (in Sacramento now), with whom she'd broken up, with but was now going back to.

Anyway the vibes were real good, and we went to my room where we smoked another joint, and talked, and kissed, and caressed some more, almost deciding to make love a couple of times, but she didn't feel quite comfortable about it, she said, but told me she'd like to spend the night with me tonight.

So anyway I dropped her off at home around 5, with the understanding that she'd call me as soon as she was finished visiting with Brent's (her old man) sister, who was having some problems now, and whom she'd agreed to visit. She said she'd call about 8 or 9.

So anyway, I spent the evening at home with Liza and Mike, but waited until 11, when she still hadn't called, finally calling her place.

I was surprised that she was home, and she took a long time to come to the phone. She said she was just leaving for East Oakland, and didn't offer any explanation of what happened, other than that "it was a weird evening," and she couldn't get together with me.

I was pretty hurt, but didn't want to lay it on her, so I assume she'll explain tomorrow. My faith in her friendship is somewhat shaken, and I don't know if I'll be able to believe her anymore. I hope she has a good explanation, as I'd like to be able to understand and trust her again.

I'd like to have a relationship where she might come visit me, or stay with me if she should come to Berkeley. But I don't know whether any such relationship could be built on so many disappointments.

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