The Dana Street Saga

Life in Berkeley thirty years ago;
Searching for love and meaning

Sunday, November 19, 1972 - 11:30 AM

Yesterday turned into a pretty fair day after all, not great, but okay. The weather cleared up pretty nicely, and there were a lot of people in the streets as it was "Big Game" day, when Stanford plays Cal.

I walked up the avenue a couple of times. Debbie wasn't there again. I guess I probably won't see her again for awhile, unless I'm lucky.

Batiya was selling handbags, so I sat and talked with her awhile. She lives on 62nd Street now. She had to take a leak, so left me to man her booth for a few minutes, and I was happy to do something "useful" for her.

I also rode Pegasus around some, and gave two different girls rides places. One was named Eileen.

Also ran into Liz at the Med, and rapped with her awhile. She's decided she doesn't like living where she is, because of no men, and wants to find a bigger place with some congenial men, and asked if I were interested, in effect.

She also told me about Pierre's, a nice little bar down Telegraph where she goes sometimes.

In the evening, I went over to be with Cici for awhile, 'til Penny and Elaine got home about 10.

Then I split and rode around, looking for some "action." Finally ended up at Pierre's, where I saw Liz and Barbara.

I was about to leave at one point, when I saw a nice looking girl who was looking at me.

I said "hi," and she said "hi."

Then, after I hung around the bar for awhile, trying to decide whether to go or stay, she came over, and I asked if I could join her.

She said sure, so I did, and spent the rest of the evening with her, liking her a lot.

Her name is Share (and she lives at 1711 Parker). She was very affectionate with me. I was her "new love," and we had a nice time.

But she got very drunk, and at closing time I rode home with her because she asked me to, and I helped another guy, Ron, who turned out to be her "old man," put her in bed.

I also promised I'd come see her tonight. Then I walked back to Pierre's, got Pegasus, and rode home. It was about 3 AM by then.

This morning I have a slight hangover. It rained last night, started to clear, but it is still overcast now.

Also, I've been thinking of Marda again, and of riding over to visit her if we get a nice day soon.

4:45 PM

Just got back from a motorcycle ride up to Martinez, where I visited Marda. It was a nice day after all, and I felt like going somewhere, so I did. It was a nice ride; good roads, beautiful scenery, though I nearly froze to death on Pegasus.

Marda was there with Rick, the guy she lives with. We had a cup of tea and chatted.

Last night, I forgot to mention, I was also attracted to Degan, the barmaid, who was very cute. Also, Share introduced me to Don, Ben, and Tito, and a couple of others whose names I can't remember.

Monday, November 20, 1972 - 10:50 AM

After dinner last night, I went over to see Share, but Ron, who answered the door, said she was "in bed," and had been feeling bad all day, so I left the message that I'd been by, and left.

Then I went over to Cici's, as she'd called, and visited with her. Then watched Patton on TV with Penny, who'd come home after awhile. It was a very heavy movie.

Today is sunny but cold.

3:45 PM

Today's been a pretty nice day, weather-wise.

I went up to campus for awhile, where there was a rally going on in celebration of the "Big Game" victory.

Again, no sign of Debbie. Almost went in to ask about her at Rasputin's.

Said hi to Batiya at the Med.

Ran into Margarita, and we went to a play up on campus, Beyond the Fringe, which was free. Then we had a cup of coffee at the Med.

It was good seeing her, but there was no "love energy" or anima projection. We were just friends, casually together again.

Also today, especially at the theatre, I've noticed a number of girls looking at me interestedly, none that interested me, however, except one who was at Hardcastle's. But she was with another girl and a guy. She was sort of tough looking, however.

I've also found myself today feeling quite discontented with my life, down on myself, feeling unworthy, like I'm wasting my life, being frivolous.

Yet I realize that "survival" isn't a struggle for me, hasn't been for a long time, and just doesn't generate much energy for me. And I can't think of anything that does at this point. What I actually "do," seems secondary to the atmosphere of what I might be doing, and whom I might be doing it with.

But I seem to have a need to do something productive, useful, or helpful, to "pull my share."

As it is, I have a "free ride," it seems, and I feel unworthy of it. And the longer I go on, the more guilt I have about it, and the more unworthy I feel.

And yet, if I could find something to do with a reasonable amount of satisfaction, I'd gladly do it. But I don't have a lot of energy for searching out such a situation, and such activity seems like I'd be "asking favors" of people, which I also don't like to do.

So I drift along in my same old rut, waiting for miracles to happen to me or for me.

Enough of this. I just felt I should get some of it down, as a record of my current state of mind.

Tuesday, November 21, 1972 - 1 PM

Last evening, after hanging around the kitchen and getting stoned with Mike and others, I went up to campus to see I Never Sang for my Father, which was good, but didn't relate to me particularly.

Today, Penny called at 10 to ask me to help her move a machine out of their new store, which I did. Then I went to get wine for tomorrow's dinner, and oil for Pegasus.

Also went to the bank. There I met and talked to a nice gal named Terese. She's a Political Science major.

We talked about our common moral dilemmas about the Bank of America., then mostly about me, and my trips of the last couple of years. I asked her name before we split.

Then I saw her again outside, and we talked some more, again mostly about me. Before she left, I asked her if I could call her, and she gave me her number (849-2003).

She's cute, slim, attractive to me, and I could dig getting something together with her.

Wednesday, November 22, 1972 - 9 AM

Dreams: Just had this before waking, after being awake earlier and falling back to sleep. It was a situation where three of us guys in school, under the supervision of a teacher, were teaching three younger girls about sex. There was some apprehension about what the school authorities might think about the program. Anyway, one of the young girls went off first with one of the guys.

Then I was left with one of them, and we proceeded to caress, get undressed, and start making love, with me pointing out things, asking questions, and guiding her. When I had a finger in her, I asked if she could feel it, and she said yes. It was very tight. I didn't know if I'd be able to fit my penis in. Finally she was very juicy and ready to try, so I started to insert it. But I awoke with a wet dream just as we started.

I don't remember who the other characters were. One may have been my stepmother, Alice, supervising the program. The young girl I was with seemed to be in her early teens.

9:35 AM

Right now, I'm waiting to get in the bathroom. Someone (Barbara) has been in there for about a half-hour so far.

10:10 AM

Yesterday afternoon, I worked on Pegasus, changing the oil, and going to the day-old bakery.

I called Terese around 5, to see if she wanted to go to the movie (which I was planning on going to anyway). She said she couldn't, but thanked me for asking, indicated she hoped we could just get together and talk sometime. I said I'd call again.

Was going to ask Martha to the movie, but she went out and didn't get back in time. So I went alone.

Saw Je T'Aime Je T'Aime. Pretty good. Got talking to a cute girl who was there alone afterwards, but she didn't give much encouragement, and was staying for the other films.

Then I walked down to Pierre's and had a beer. No one I knew was there. I played a game of chess with a guy named Mike (and won), and while I was doing that, Share came in (with Ron). We said "hi," talked a bit. I got her phone number (845-6522).

She apologized for being so drunk, and thanked me for taking care of her. She said she didn't remember anything after closing time, like getting home or after, asked "How did I get home?"

When I was about to call it a night and head home, I told her I was leaving. She came to the door, kissed me, and told me they were going away until Sunday. I told her I'd call her when she got back.

In the kitchen last night after getting home, I got stoned with Martha, Sheldon, and Mike for awhile.

After Martha left, I had a pretty good rap with Mike and Sheldon about ups and downs, etc. Mike said he was entering a down phase. I said I felt things were looking up. We rapped some more about love, and the sacred.

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